Jer's Scattered Stuff

Words From An Expert: Time Travel Logic (nyquil.org)

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 02:51:54+0100

I’m somewhat of a time-travel expert. Thusly, I will now explain something no one ever seems to understand.

The so-called “Grandfather Pair o’ Docs”:

My grandfather gave me a sweet pair of Docs. If I were to put on Grampa’s Docs and then go back in time and steal Grampa’s Docs before he could give them to me, he could never give them to me; clearly then I could not be wearing them. But I am.

Plus, once I steal Grampa’s Docs, there are now entirely too many Docs. This cannot happen.

I hope that cleared things up for you.

Vegetarian BBQ Pizza Burritos (Cooking with Kooks)

'P B & J' French Toast — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 20:32:00+0100

marcus132

Eatin’ stuff:

Tortillas
BBQ sauce
Shredded Jack cheese
Soy-based chicken product
Tomato sauce

Buildin’ stuff:

Saucepan
Wooden spoon

Take your favorite soy-based chicken product (Or tofu. Or, I suppose, actual chicken, if you’re into that) and dump it into the saucepan, smothering it in BBQ sauce. Cook on medium heat while stirring regularly until it turns into a gluey mess that is trying hard to burn, but won’t, because you just keep stirring it!

Take that mess off of the stove and dump it onto a tortilla. Add a generous helping of shredded Jack cheese and more BBQ sauce. Depending on how much you want to play the “pizza” angle, add tomato sauce to taste. You can also add soy-based pepperoni product if you’ve got it.

Roll that bad boy up into a burrito, eat, and enjoy!

Unnecessary Censorship (jer - Tim's Crap)

The Chronic--WHAT?!--cles of Narnia — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 04:28:38+0100

This is an amusing clip from the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I gues he can be funny. Who’da thunk it?

Two Years and Counting: my dedication to researching breast manipulation continues to be ...

nyquil.org — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 18:40:22+0100

Long-time readers may be interested to learn the following:

For Jer’s dogged persistence in his examination of Emma Watson, I have decided, finally, at long last, to award him another third of the Gleeson Researcher of the Century award, bringing his total accumulated earnings to five-sixths of an award.

Cool, huh?

Trouble with the Hulk: row over writing credit causes major headache. (nyquil.org)

Jim Varney's Birthday 2008 — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 21:44:05+0100

After WGA arbitration ruled that Ed Norton shall receive neither story nor writing credit on his version of >The Incredible Hulk, despite the fact that all reports say he did significant work in both of those areas, he is understandably pissed. Sources tell me that he now wants his name and likeness removed from the project altogether, which is a pretty tall order with the movie on the verge of release. Animators are working overtime to digitally replace Norton with someone else before the premiere, so some of the digital editing will be understandably shoddy.

Here’s a snap from the current “work in progress” version that editors are scrambling to finish:

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny (jer - Tim's Crap)

Great Idea — Fri, 07 Apr 2006 20:57:59+0100

Click to Play!

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

The Chronic--WHAT?!--cles of Narnia (jer - Tim's Crap)

Brokeback to the Future — Fri, 06 Jan 2006 01:54:48+0100

Viddy this awesome SNL short. you won’t be sorry.

Scarlett Johanssen is awesome. (jer - Tim's Crap)

Jelly Donut — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 19:40:23+0100

Scarlett Johanssen talks crap about Michael Bay:

Hollywood beauty SCARLETT JOHANSSON has hinted she has a bad relationship with her THE ISLAND director MICHAEL BAY, declaring the movie-maker has “lots of enemies”.

Johansson and her Island co-star EWAN McGREGOR’s acting skills were blamed by producers after the action thriller failed to reach box office expectations.

In a recent New York Times interview, Johansson talks about her love of on-set gifts and her pet Chihuahua.

She says, “On the set of The Island. Ewan McGregor gave me coats and collars and lots of dog toys.”

After mentioning Bay has huge pet dogs, Johansson adds, “He needs them. He has a lot of enemies.”

When asked if Bay gave her any presents on the set, Johansson laughed politely, but did not elaborate.

This is another of the many reasons to love the adorable blonde star of Lost in Translation; any foe of Michael Bay’s is a friend of mine.

Why does Michael Bay get to keep on making movies?

SPACED US DVD Release Imminent (nyquil.org)

Words From An Expert: Time Travel Logic — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:56:10+0100

On Tuesday, July the 22nd, the fantastic British sitcom, SPACED, (from the minds of the people who brought you Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz) gets its long-awaited US DVD release.

If you haven’t already imported a copy from the UK, I highly, HIGHLY recommend you pick up a copy of the US release. Highly.

I’ve not met a geek who doesn’t like this show, so get in on the ground floor while you still have the chance to be the one telling people about it.

Spaced: The Complete Series border="0" width="1" height="1" />

Poster Fun: A sequel I'd like to see (nyquil.org)

Trouble with the Hulk: row over writing credit causes major headache. — Sat, 24 May 2008 17:28:36+0100

Click to embiggify

More fun at the expense of emo (jer - Tim's Crap)

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 02:36:04+0100

This is really great, the only problem is that the song is incredibly catchy. I may be an emo kid yet!

Mac and Cheese in a Pinch (Cooking with Kooks)

Extra Moist French Toast — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 03:58:21+0100

Alistair Hoel

This isn’t so much a recipe as it is a helpful hint if you’re ever in a pinch.

Have you ever been midway through making a box of macaroni and cheese when you discover that the milk in the fridge has gone sour? My roommate came up with a really silly-yet-effective solution to this. Simply substitute the milk and/or butter with spray whipped topping.

It sounds disgusting, but it is actually very pleasant, giving the mac and cheese a new flavor you haven’t tried before. This isn’t something I would do regularly, but if it comes down to throwing out already cooked noodles, I’ll go with the spray whip any day.

Lemon Tuaca Surprise (Cooking with Kooks)

Mac and Cheese in a Pinch — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 02:23:34+0100

jer

Tonight I tried an experiment. I am pleased to report it was a rousing success.

Ingredients required:

One (1) box Instant pudding, lemon flavor,
One (1) cup milk,
half (1/2) a “shot” of Tuaca

Required hardware:

1 cup measuring cup,
32oz Ziplock sealable container,
shot glass

Add milk, pudding mix and Tuaca to container. Seal tightly, then “shake the devil out of it”. Shake ‘til it seems like it is done, then give it a few more shakes. Chill 5 minutes.
Enjoy.

Serves one fat-ass, or several normal people.

Jonathan Coulton (jer - Tim's Crap)

Emo Bears — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 22:55:14+0100

You gotta hear this.

Jim Varney's Birthday 2008 (nyquil.org)

Sun, 15 Jun 2008 16:40:00+0100

Most of you are probably already aware, but a few of you may not remember that June 15th is Jim Varney’s birthday. Or would have been, had he not died already.

I think that Jim Varney has made at least as valuable a contribution to the world as all those other famous dead guys whose birthdays we honor, so I’d like to ask you to take a few minutes to remember Jim fondly.

Also, this is an excellent opportunity to screen Ernest Goes to Jail for someone who has never seen it.

Jelly Donut (jer - Tim's Crap)

Getting in Touch with Santa/God — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 01:20:19+0100

Here’s an amusing video featuring a freestyle rapper challenging MC’s while dressed as a large walking jelly donut. Lots of donut themed raps as he defeats MC after MC.

Jelly_D.mov

I've delved into OpenID delegation, and now it's time to share the fruits of my labor (nyquil.org)

Crappy Blog Post Made Up of Content From Outside My Blog — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 18:39:22+0100

I’ve been recently toying with OpenID stuff, and found that it is far more useful than it seems at first glance. What’s not apparent is that if you have a website, you can configure things to use its URL as your OpenID even if you’re using AOL/LiveJournal/MyOpenID.net/etc for your OpenID authentication. This allows you to re-configure it at a later date using any service you’d like, without having to change your OpenID sign-in info. It doesn’t get much more “open” than that.

It’s kind of complicated, and it requires a fair bit of reasearch to find the info you need to make it work, so people who are aware of this functionality probably don’t care enough to do the work. It’s with that in mind that I’ve done the research and created a little configurator-thingy to make it as easy as possible for anyone hosting a website to set this up.

Introducing MOREopenID.org. One selection and two input boxes gets you one file to upload to your server and a short block of tags to paste into your website’s head section, putting you in complete control of your OpenID identity forever. If you decide to change OpenID providers at some point, simply come back and do the steps again.

Things are still pretty rough at this stage, so I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t social-network it to death (yet) or anything, but I’d be much obliged if you’d try it out and give me feedback on what I should do to make it better—and especially so if you have any problems. If any part of it at all is confusing, I would like to hear about it.

Thanks a ton.

Great Idea (jer - Tim's Crap)

C For Cookie — Thu, 11 May 2006 00:36:23+0100

The following is something I found extremely amusing.

Dear MySpace… (cats and lesbians)

Great Bell South Ad (jer - Tim's Crap)

jer - Tim's Crap — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 00:20:25+0100

Click here for the greatest commerical ever.

Getting in Touch with Santa/God (jer - Tim's Crap)

Unnecessary Censorship — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 03:23:35+0100

To write Santa for goodies or with wish lists you should address your letter to Santa Claus as follows:

Example of a properly addressed envelope to Santa Claus:

The USPS will see that the letter is received at the proper place. Please ensure to include the return address on the letter itself! Letters to God can be addressed in the same way replacing “Santa Claus” with “God”.

Mailing Tips:

Santa has offered to share these easy tips with children and their families to help their letters get to him as quickly and safely as possible:

Children should ask their parents for help addressing and putting stamps on their letters. This can help reduce misspellings – which can slow down letters – or using too much or too little postage. Like all mail, it’s important that letters to Santa include a complete return address with ZIP Code. Santa enjoys candy canes and cookies, and his reindeer enjoy fresh hay. But because these treats can be damaged or crushed when sent in a regular envelope, Santa says it’s better to leave them out on Christmas Eve than to mail them. No extra packaging material, such as string or tape, is needed on a letter to Santa. The glue on the envelope flap does the trick.

Letters addressed to Santa at the North Pole, AK - as well as other holiday mail – can be given directly to letter carriers. They don’t have to be placed in collection boxes or taken to the Post Office. And, as always, families with curbside mailboxes can put mail in their mailboxes for pick up.

Helping Santa Help Those in Need

While Santa receives most of these letters addressed to him at the North Pole, AK, some are sent to certified organizations and individuals who help those in need. Many Santa letters will be answered by a variety of Santa’s helpers – charitable organizations, employees of local Post Office™ locations and volunteers who want to help make children’s holiday wishes come true.

From the Scrapheap: The LAW & ORDER spin-off you don't remember (nyquil.org)

Cartoon Showdown: two similar movie-based 90s time-travel shows go head-to-head — Thu, 15 May 2008 00:22:59+0100

With only 3 produced episodes, the first unsuccessful LAW & ORDER spin-off was scrapped due to the fact that, in the end, it was always Hitler that did it. All that remains of The History Channel’s first dramatic series is this title screen:

Click to embiggify.

Extra Moist French Toast (Cooking with Kooks)

Vegetarian BBQ Pizza Burritos — Thu, 06 Apr 2006 01:22:43+0100

jer

Software:

Three (3) eggs
Half a cup whole milk
Half a cup buttermilk
Half a cup applesauce
One (1) loaf french bread, stale
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of nutmeg

optional:
Replace all milk with One (1) cup 1% or 2% milk for a more health-conscious breakfast

Hardware:

Whisk or fork
Large shallow dish
Skillet
Turner (what you probably refer to as a spatula)

Mix eggs, milk, buttermilk, applesauce, cinnamon and nutmeg in shallow dish with whisk or fork until well blended.

Cut loaf of french bread into 8 equal sized pieces, at least 1 1/2 inches thick each. This is better if you slice them in advance so that they get nice and stale, cutting on a bias (diagonal) making for slices with a larger surface area.

Place one slice of french bread into egg mixture, leaving it in at least 30 seconds so that it soaks as much as possible. Flip slice to coat both sides with egg mixture, leaving in at least 30 seconds per side. Using your fork to poke little holes in each side once coated with the mixture will allow more to get inside. Flip again. You want as much inside the bread as possible.

Place fully soaked slice of bread into skillet on medium heat, flipping once it becomes slightly brown on the bottom, continue cooking on opposite side until the middle of the slice is firm to the touch. Repeat with the rest of the slices.

Serve with syrup, jam, powdered sugar, or however you like your french toast. Serves 2-3 normal people or one fatass.

Emo Bears (jer - Tim's Crap)

More fun at the expense of emo — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 04:12:29+0100

src="http://crapstack.net/blog/uploads/emobear.gif" alt="" />

Crappy Blog Post Made Up of Content From Outside My Blog (nyquil.org)

Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:54:02+0100

Things I’ve sent to Twitter recently:

nyquildotorg Reality show I would watch: Hitchens’ Kitchen about 14 hours ago from txt

nyquildotorg forgot iPhone at home today. That really sucks. I didn’t even WANT a damn iPhone, and now I can’t live without it. about 16 hours ago from web

nyquildotorg WTF? Black female Mormon missionaries. Oh wait, student flight attendants. 05:20 PM July 09, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg Classmates.com is a bunch of dicks. “cool ppl are looking for you!! Pay us to find out who!!” 03:12 PM July 09, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg Partially-formed invention: The Jew-PS. Allows you to save up energy for the Sabbath. 03:08 PM July 09, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg Thought-train: Beard. Bear. Bare. Clean-shaven. Woo-WOOO! 09:07 AM July 09, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg Wargames on big screen: awesome. As promotion for shitty DVD sequel: notsomuch. Pass. 11:57 AM July 08, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg Hmm. ‘fur’ is ‘ruf’ spelled backwards. Does this mean something? 11:48 AM July 08, 2008 from txt

nyquildotorg All pizzas henceforth shall have five meats. Except vegetarian; it can have just three. 06:48 PM July 07, 2008 from web

Converting Kindle Books: a painful process that works for reading Kindle books without a ...

Amiteepeeville: An example of my twisted thoughts — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:33:18+0100

D recently bought one of those new-fangled Amazon Kindle thingies for purchasing and reading books in an electronic form. (She loves it.)

I like to read books in an electronic form on my iPhone, but find that it’s pretty hard to come by them legally; there are many different sellers and formats, some of which have certain books but not others. Sometimes they have the book, but not in a format I can do anything with. It’s generally easier just to illegally download them from torrent sites.

Amazon has tons and tons of books available for Kindle, and have chosen the standard MobiPocket format as the one their reader uses, meaning it is theoretically trivial to purchase them and convert them to something else. Except that they won’t sell them to you unless you have already purchased a $400ish Kindle on which to read them. Meaning you don’t need to convert them…

In any case, now that our household has a Kindle, it frees me up to purchase books from Amazon in Kindle format without actually having a Kindle myself. I then just remove the DRM that Amazon puts in the files (to keep people from converting them, natch), and then convert them to HTML or txt to read in Books.app on iPhone. Want to know how to do the same thing?

Howto:

Step 1) Find someone with a Kindle.

Step 2) On their Kindle, go to the Settings menu, and type ‘411’ on the keypad. This will bring up a little information dialog with a bunch of things in it, of which you only need the Serial. It is a 16-character string of letters and numbers. Write it down.

Step 3) Ask the Kindle’s owner to buy a book for you. Give them some money so you don’t look like a mooch. Once you’ve given them the money, ask them to log in to their Amazon account and navigate to their ‘Kindle Downloads’ page from your computer. When they complain, mention that you’ve already given them money. The Kindle Downloads page will list all the books they’ve purchased, and yours should be right at the top. Click ‘Download to computer’ and you’ll get a file named ‘Title-of-Book.azw’

Step 4) Download MobiDeDRM.zip, which is a small suite of Python scripts that some kind soul wrote and then distributed through links that expire all the time and can be kind of a pain to track down. I’ve hosted them from my site so that they won’t expire. This .zip file contains mobidedrm.py, mobidedrm2.py, kindlepid.py and mobihuff.py.

(These scripts require that you install Python on your system, which is something outsite the scope of this howto. I’m on linux, but there’s a Python for Windows called “ActiveState Python.” Google will help.)

After unzipping the archive, open up a terminal window and pass the Kindle’s serial # (which you previously wrote down) to kindlepid.py. Something like this:

python kindlepid.py XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Where all those Xs are replaced with the Kindle serial number. It will return something that looks like this:

Mobipocked PID for Kindle serial# XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX is Z1QFCDQ*74

Make note of that last 10-character gibberish. That’s the secret code (or PID) we’ll need to remove the DRM from any books purchased for that Kindle.

Step 5) Now it’s time to remove the DRM. Do this:

python mobidedrm.py Title-of-Book.azw Title-of-Book.mobi Z1QFCDQ*74

where my 10-character gibberish string is replaced with the one you made note of in the last step. This will take about a minute, and when it finishes you’ll see:

Decrypting. Please wait... done

Now you will have a decrypted MobiPocket-formatted ebook that you can read in any MobiPocket reader.

If, however, you want to convert it to HTML to read on any device you wish, you’ll want to install MobiPerl. (This, of course, will require you to install Perl. MobiPerl’s website will walk you through that.)

6) With MobiPerl installed, do this:

mobi2html Title-of-Book.mobi

This will create a directory named ‘unpacked’ that will contain Title-of-Book.html

Things that can go wrong:

Amazon seems to compress longer books in a slightly different manner than shorter books. If your resulting .mobi file and/or .html file are oddly gibberishy (for example, if the first line starts in the middle of a sentence, and clearly not the beginning of the book), let’s go back to step 5.

Step 5b) These ‘huffdic-compressed’ books require a slightly different script to remove the DRM. Do this:

python mobidedrm2.py Title-of-Book.azw Title-of-Book.mobi Z1QFCDQ*74

Note the ‘2’ in ‘mobidedrm2.py’ in this one and remember to replace my gibberish PID with yours.

6b) The ‘huffdic-compressed’ files also require a different script to convert them to HTML. Do this:

python mobihuff.py Title-of-Book.mobi Title-of-Book.html

This script will output the .html file in the directory from which you are running it.

All in all, this is as much of a pain as it looks, but the selection and availability of books on Amazon makes it worthwhile to me. They have far more books than The Pirate Bay does, and I feel better paying for them

Good luck.

Chili + Tortilini = Yum (Cooking with Kooks)

Cooking with Kooks — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 02:12:31+0100

jer

This isn’t so much a recipe as it is an idea you ought to try.

Got spare cheese tortilini left over from a previous meal? Simply cover with chili, microwave, then top with cheese for a really yummy dish.

Change In Which We Can Believe: political rhetoric in graphic form (nyquil.org)

Another Open Letter To Amazon.com RE: Kindle — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 01:55:35+0100

Click for huge.

Cartoon Showdown: two similar movie-based 90s time-travel shows go head-to-head (nyquil.org)

Poster Fun: A sequel I'd like to see — Sun, 18 May 2008 19:46:45+0100

Dear people who care,

Which is better: 1991’s animated >Back to the Future series, or 1990’s animated >Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure series?

(The latter is not to be confused with 1992’s live-action >Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure series.)

I’ve seen episodes of both animated serieses, but they were both so long ago I only have the vaguest of memories, having no recollection of which was better. Anyone have an opinion on this?

Calvin-esque Snowmen (jer - Tim's Crap)

Scarlett Johanssen is awesome. — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 18:58:30+0100

For years I’ve wanted to create some snowmen depicting grisly situations like Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes always used to make. I have never actually done it, but someone else did.

Click for Calvin and Hobbes inspired snowmen

C For Cookie (jer - Tim's Crap)

Al Gore: Your 43rd President — Thu, 11 May 2006 02:27:13+0100

C For Cookie

Brokeback to the Future (jer - Tim's Crap)

Jonathan Coulton — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 04:19:44+0100

Another Open Letter To Amazon.com RE: Kindle (nyquil.org)

Mashup Muxtape — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:44:08+0100

Dear Amazon,

The Kindle is nice and all, but it’s a lot of money for a dedicated device for reading books when I already have tons of devices capable of reading books. A screen, a wireless connection and a keyboard. That describes a Kindle. That also describes laptops, cellphones, iPhones, PDAs, etc.

If you want to sell lots more ebooks, I suggest you release Kindle software for some or all of those devices. Specifically I would suggest laptops and iPhones. The iPhone is my preferred way to read Kindle books (it is way smaller and lighter than Kindle, and I already have it with me all the time), but it’d be really swell if I could wirelessly purchase the books from you and not have to break the law in order to read them.

Now that Apple has 3rd-party apps for iPhone/iPod Touch, I HIGHLY recommend that you make a Kindle app for them. You’ll sell bajillions more books than you already do. BAJILLIONS.

Amiteepeeville: An example of my twisted thoughts (nyquil.org)

Change In Which We Can Believe: political rhetoric in graphic form — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 18:14:30+0100

Click to embiggify… a lot

'P B & J' French Toast (Cooking with Kooks)

Chili + Tortilini = Yum — Wed, 19 Jul 2006 01:39:32+0100

jer

Software:

Three (3) eggs
Half a cup whole milk
Half a cup buttermilk
Half a cup applesauce
One (1) loaf french bread, stale
Pinch of cinnamon
Pinch of nutmeg
Peanut Butter
Jelly

optional:
Replace all milk with One (1) cup 1% or 2% milk for a more health-conscious breakfast

Hardware:

Whisk or fork
Large shallow dish
Skillet
Turner (what you probably refer to as a spatula)

Mix eggs, milk, buttermilk, applesauce, cinnamon and nutmeg in shallow dish with whisk or fork until well blended.

Cut loaf of french bread into 16 equal sized pieces, no more than half an inch thick each. This is better if you slice them in advance so that they get nice and stale, cutting on a bias (diagonal) making for slices with a larger surface area.

Apply peanut butter and jelly to bread making 8 little sandwiches out of them. Place sandwich into egg mixture, leaving it in at least 30 seconds so that it soaks as much as possible. Flip sandwich to coat both sides with egg mixture, leaving in at least 30 seconds per side. Using your fork to poke little holes in each side once coated with the mixture will allow more to get inside. Flip again. You want as much inside the bread as possible.

Place fully soaked sandwich into skillet on medium heat, flipping once it becomes slightly brown on the bottom. Continue cooking on opposite side until the middle of the sandwich is firm to the touch. Repeat with the rest of the sandwiches.

Serve with syrup, jam, powdered sugar, or however you like your french toast. Makes an excellent dssert. Serves 2-3 normal people or one fatass.

storytime (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

Famous Words — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:06:41+0100

When I was a senior in high school, one of my ~~bullshit~~ “CWP” classes¹ had a visit from a member of our local law enforcement to talk to us about the evils of underage drinking. All the usual “scare tactics” were employed to convince us not to drink (until we reached that magical age when it’s suddenly OK, anyway), essentially wasting an entire class period.

The ending of the officer’s speech caught my attention, however. He actually told us to call him if we did decide to enjoy some underage consumption of hooch. He told us that he’d come act as taxi—with no questions asked, even—so that we wouldn’t kill ourselves and others in the process of driving home, yet not be restricted from having a good time.

I raised my hand and cleared my throat, indicating that I had an important question, while he was in the middle of his next sentence. Because none of the other bored-to-death students had shown even an ounce of interest in the hour preceding my interruption, our handsome police officer seemed to take pleasure in stopping to hear what I had to say. He shouldn’t have done that.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Would you say that ‘upholding the law’ would be a fair description of what it is—as a police officer, I mean—that you do? It seems to me that you’ve just spent an hour of our time—of ‘protect and serve’ time, as a matter of fact —telling us how important it is that we not drink because the law says not to, yet you’ve just told us that you’ll go ahead and not enforce said law if ever we are in a situation that would require you to. Since it doesn’t seem as if that law is very important to you, why would you expect it to be to us??”

“You’re missing the point here—”

“No, you’re missing the point. The point being that you have the power—no, the duty—to ‘protect and serve’ us, yet you’re standing here telling us that you’ll just go ahead and not do your job because you don’t feel like it.”

“Actually, as a Law Enforcement Officer,” he said, the capital letters audible, “I’m to use my discretion to determine what laws I need to enforce. That’s my job, and I assure you, I am doing it.”

“I see,” I said. “You know, I never really understood why people hold such negative opinions of cops until this very moment. It really is just one big power trip, isn’t it? You desperately want to seem cool, so you’re either offering to ‘look the other way’, or you’re simply lying to us outright to gain our trust. Either way, it’s just great. This whole hour has been a huge freakin’ waste of time. I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my life, but I darn well want to go get drunk so I can say ‘Officer Joe’ said it was OK. Thanks for the enlightenment.”

“Officer Joe” was speechless, the rest of my classmates had rejoined the land of the living, and I was elated at having proven my point so effectively, besting a cop in the process. I was what you would call “a quiet kid,” one who rarely spoke, let alone would confront a cop, so it was quite a surprise.

I’m pretty sure that none of my classmates ever called “Officer Joe” for a ride, and I would be surprised if he ever offered the service again.

1: CWP, or Current World Problems, classes seemed to only serve as an excuse to consider football coaches “full-time teachers.”

podcasting (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

Man, I really don't want to travel now — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 02:54:45+0100

I’ve been using the “podcast” format for 100% of my daily auditory entertainment for close to 2 years now.

A couple observations:

1. the potential that podcast affords people is utterly amazing, whether they want to produce content or simply absorb it.

2. the word “podcast” is freakin’ retarded. Whoever came up with it needs to be shot.

3. too many podcasts contain the word “podcast” in the title. “You’re listening to the Bondage Fetish Knitting Podcast.” I know it’s a podcast, you don’t have to keep telling me.

freely available unencumbered (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

RIP Meiko — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 02:48:30+0100

I heard today that CBS has decided that podcasting Penn Jillette’s radio program in its entirety is actually a good move, and they have it up and running now. This is great because I, like probably 95% of the rest of his listener base, have been listening to one of the many bootleg podcast feeds of the program created by dedicated listeners. Now the only thing that changes is the consistency of quality and the lack of effort expendature on the part of Penn’s listeners, and CBS isn’t out any money because of it.

This is a small victory, and hopefully with time the rest of the media outlets will come to the same realization that CBS has: people, if given the chance, would greatly prefer to consume content in a manner that is free from scheduling. That’s why TIVO and the like have been so popular; it frees up the consumer’s valuable time so that they can use it in whatever manner they choose. Instead of being tied to the tv at 10pm on wednesday for Southpark, they can see it at any point after that.

I think many would have been suprised just a year ago at the popularity of television programming on iTunes, but now it is clear to many, many decision makers that on-demand program viewing is the way all content will be delivered in the future. I’ve been downloading a large percentage of my viewed programming off the internet for years now, and am pleased to see it gain some level of legitimacy, but am a bit disheartened by the success of iTunes.

See, the flaw with the iTunes model is the DRM built into the files. People seem more than willing to shell out hard earned money for content they can’t use, and it really saddens me. Too many people just don’t care. “I can play it on my iPod, right? That’s good enough for me.” Unfortunately that line of thinking breaks down when you consider that the iPod might not be the only mp3 player on the market forever. Even now, here in the early days of portable media content, there are rumors of non-Apple audio/video players that one day might surpass the iPod in price and features. But will you be able to play any of the content you’ve shelled out hard earned money on with any of these hypothetical future devices? No, you will not.

The same goes for future software releases—see, at any time Apple can change the licensing on any file you “buy”. You may suddenly no longer be able to burn it to disc, copy it to a new iPod, play it on Windows Longhorn, etc. Will it matter to Apple that you can no longer use the things you’ve purchased in the manner that you were led to believe you’d be able to forever?

Not a bit. This is why I will not purchase anything that has any kind of built-in controls that prevent me from using it in any manner I see fit. The DRM in iTunes is relatively easy to circumvent, allowing you to use the content you’ve purchased in ways that Apple doesn’t allow, but doing so is breaking the law, in effect causing you to steal the content. If I’m going to have to steal content in order to use it, I’m damned well not going to pay for the privellege.

You're not just an idiot, you're a thief too (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

It's All Up In The Air — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 04:52:47+0100

Know what pisses me off?

Those “Calvin peeing on X” window decals you see everywhere.

Bill Waterson ended the strip because he was tired of fighting off merchandising. Everyone wanted him to approve saturday morning cartoons, plush Hobbeses, coffee mugs, printed underwear, action figures and snack cakes, while he just wanted to create art and not cheapen it by flooding the market with stuff people can buy. They wouldn’t leave him alone, so he retired to spend the days rolling in his millions.

So now some jackass got the idea to pirate the image of Calvin peeing and has created a cottage industry out of it. A Black Market cottage industry where every variation is another act of copyright infringement. If Bill Waterson had wanted Calvin peeing on logos, he would have sold those stickers himself, and the fact that you’re paying some dick so that you can have one is just plain wrong.

As bad as that is, the ones where Calvin is praying are even worse. Stealing is wrong, even if it is stealing for the Lord.

Want to hear what Calvin himself thinks about the issue? (you should check it out, the whole thing is very amusing)

RIP Meiko (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

You're not just an idiot, you're a thief too — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 01:43:35+0100

It is quite peciliar to be excited that your trap has eradicated the rodent you didn’t want in your house, while being extremely sad at the passing of a rodent you did.

Watching things you care about die is absolutely horrible.

No Child's Behind Left (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

Jesus Christ: The Greatest Role Model Ever? — Wed, 10 May 2006 01:16:46+0100

I’m going to try to show some restraint and make this entry as short and to the point as possible. I’ll start with the following query:

Why is child pornography illegal?

That’s a pretty simple straightforward question with an even simpler answer. It is illegal because the creation of the pornography harms an actual child. Without question harming a child in this manner is wrong and child pornography is rightfully illegal. But what about animated child porn? Animated child porn is just as illegal as actual child porn, except that no actual children are being harmed. It doesn’t seem to me that there’s any legal reason behind the illegality of it. “But wait, a pedophile might see this animated child porn and want to go have sex with an actual child, surely that accounts for the illegality, right?” you might ask. Well, yeh, that’s a possibility, but laws in this country don’t seem to be based on the “what this might cause” type logic in other cases. Take for instance murder. Shooting another human being to death in the face is currently against the law. Why? Well, because you’re harming the person who is being shot in the face. Yet in practically every movie to be released, at least one person appears to have been shot to death in the face. A depiction of someone being shot to death in the face is not illegal, because no actual people are being harmed, and is exactly the same as a movie which depicts a not real child being not really harmed, except that in the latter case, it is illegal. So does the same argument apply in this case as it does to the child porn case? Will potential viewers possibly be motivated to go shoot someone in the face? If so, it doesn’t seem to be enough of a concern to go passing laws about it. Which is worse: someone is raped, or someone is murdered? It seems to be that someone being “incited” to murder would be a much larger concern than someone “incited” to molest a child, yet it isn’t.

Please don’t get me wrong, I think the idea of animated child pornography is horrific, I just don’t see any basis for actualy making it illegal. At least not without making every other visual simulation of illegal acts just as illegal, because they’re just as likely to “cause” someone to commit a crime. I think there’s a problem when we go making things against the law just because they’re in bad taste. It seems to me that in order for there to be a crime committed, there needs to be a victim, not just someone offended.

Mashup Muxtape (nyquil.org)

SPACED US DVD Release Imminent — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 00:07:35+0100

Dear Internet,

I made you a new muxtape: nyquildotorg.muxtape.com

This one is the fruit of a couple years subscribed to “mashup” podcasts and filtering out the creme of the crop. I think all of these are extremely listen-to-able, and I hope you enjoy.

Man, I really don't want to travel now (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

storytime — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 23:36:00+0100

This TSA bullshit really irks me.

Here’s a nice little quote from an article on the effect the alleged British suicide bomb attempt has had on airline security:

In both countries, travelers with babies were forced to taste their baby food before boarding.

Come on, people. Use your heads. Do you really think that if someone was planning on blowing the shit out of themselves in a few minutes, they’d have any qualms about tasting some explosives, going “Mmm, strained peas,” and smiling?

Hell, if they’re going to blow up a baby anyway, what’s to stop them from filling it with explosives, bypassing the baby food altogether?

Good luck detecting that.

Jesus Christ: The Greatest Role Model Ever? (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

podcasting — Mon, 22 May 2006 06:41:04+0100

“The Greatest Jesus I’ve Ever Drawn”

I’ve been thinking a lot about Jesus lately, which is a subject that I haven’t historically spent a whole lot of time pondering. I hope you bear with me, as I’m hoping this actually gets somewhere towards explaining to you (and me) what it is that I really believe in the big scheme of things.

While I was growing up, my family attended church, which is where I learned all about Jesus. This means that I knew all there was to know and didn’t really need to give it much more thought than that. What I learned is that Jesus is a very important man who died so that I wouldn’t have to suffer for the sin inherent in man – you know, if I didn’t want to – and now lives up in Heaven with God, who is his father and also part of Him. Despite not really understanding the concept of the Trinity, the most thought I had regarding it was that of course I didn’t want to suffer in eternity for the sins inherent in man. On top of that, I was grateful that He gave his life for such a cause, even if I didn’t really understand what such a sacrifice meant or entailed.

When I was 9 or 10, my parents divorced¹ and I was whisked away to a magical land with my father. That land was a tiny island in southeast Alaska (which Bono would be excited to find contained many streets having no name) that had no church. The church we went to before was a precursor to the newfangled “MegaChurches” that are so popular now, where the focus is on being absolutely enormous with a gigantic facility with all the amenities. Sunday morning in this new town was spent in the back room of the one restaurant we had, and the service was presided over by a Baptist minister who traveled among all the small towns on the island which I lived. Worship consisted of a somewhat in-tune guitar and a dusty old hymnal. The messages were of a different sort than I had ever heard before (the MegaChurch we attended was “non-denominational”, which just means “we gloss over most of the crazy stuff that people argue about, so as not to offend anyone and keep those offering baskets coming in full”), the music was loads better (our MegaChurch seemed completely infatuated with those damned Maranatha concerts/albums that were so popular in the 80’s and styled all the music after it), and there was never more than a handful of people there. Apparently there was also a travelling priest who performed a Catholic Mass as well, but I never even knew where that took place, let alone attended. I probably should have.

While living in Alaska I would spend the summer “down south” so as to visit relatives and whatnot. I usually spent at least a week with my Aunt Terria who is probably the most religious person I know. In addition to the daily chores, we had scheduled time for various Christ related activities: reading the Word, speaking in tongues, praying, and the occasional treat of hearing “prophecy” from my aunt. The only thing I remember from that is her saying that she saw me as being a spiritual leader of some sort, likening what I’d do to when Moses helped his army win a war by holding his arms up. Basically leading by example and helping people through trying times. The interesting thing is that now, I can totally see that. I’m certainly no Moses, but I’ve helped a lot of people to think about things critically and challenge the beliefs that they’ve always held. Not to mention spending much time listening to people’s problems and helping them see a different perspective on it. I really pride myself on the number of times I’ve heard people say “I never thought of it like that. You always have such a different perspective on things.”

Let’s jump through time. Now it is high school, and I live back in civilization again, and am currently attending a different church than my parents (who are both now remarried and attending different churches). I started going there because of being invited to the Wednesday night youth group thingy with my new friend Stephen, and it really seemed to fit me. It wasn’t too long after I started going that I became somewhat involved in the church. It was a small church (not nearly as small as the one in Alaska, unfortunately) that met in a local high school, so every Sunday there were hours and hours of setup and teardown time, which I volunteered to help with. Pretty soon I became involved in all sorts of aspects of the church, and seeing how Stephen’s dad was on the “elder board”, I heard about all the stuff that was going on that most people didn’t get to. Like with every organization, there was lots of bullshit going on that I thought was really stupid. Long story somewhat less long, I quickly learned that not only was this church completely taking advantage of my good graces, but it was making me hate the very idea of church in general. I quit going.

Now it’s been close to 10 years since I quit going, and I’ve found myself thinking about religious matters more and more, most recently due to my outrage at the militant atheism inherent in the otherwise great Amazing Meeting of skeptics we attended in Vegas in January. What I’ve been trying to get to since I started this post is the idea behind Jesus dying for my sins, which I think I can put in a slightly different perspective. Ah crap, I gotta go tangent again. I suck at this.

During my “spiritual journey” I’ve learned that the Bible is not the divine Word of God; I can clearly see the hand of Man all over it. Without getting into the argument of whether or not God would allow his Word to be written incorrectly, or even the argument of whether or not there even is a God, it is clear that man has at the very least “interpreted” the scripture, at worst completely making it up to manipulate the masses into acting in a more controllable manner, or inciting them into despicable acts. In any case, most people’s faith in the divinity of Jesus relies on the Biblical record, as did mine. As the Bible is no longer trustworthy, I can no longer be sure there even was a Jesus, let alone whether or not he was the son of God.

So here’s the thing, which I can finally spit out: It doesn’t matter whether or not Jesus existed, or whether or not He was the son of God when it comes to “dying for our sins.” If you treat the teachings of Christ in the manner that I believe He intended them to be taken (you know, if He ever existed), they’ll help you live your life in a positive manner, help people through difficult times, and generally be a happier, better person. If people who are early on in their spiritual growth learn of all Christ sacrificed for them, they’ll be fairly likely to try to emulate Christ’s actual behavior, and thus live a happier better life. A life which I assume is filled with less sinful behaviors. You no longer have to suffer for the sin inherent in man because you’re trying really hard not to be that way. Even though he probably didn’t exist, if you changed your behavior as a result of the story of his sacrifice he really did “die for your sins.” I’m past that myself now, I strive to only do things that impact others in a positive fashion and basically try to live the “good life” because I believe it is the right thing to do, not because of guilt or fear or because of Christ’s literary atonement. I’m sure the story of Christ’s death helped play a part in my realization of how I need to live though.

I no longer believe that Christ was the son of God, and highly doubt that He even existed at all, but I very much believe that He was on the right track in nearly everything that He taught². If everyone—especially those manipulating others under the pretense of being spiritual leaders—lived at least a little bit in the manner that Christ did we’d all be better off.

I’m now more anti-church than at any other point in my life, I’m disgusted at the very idea of a MegaChurch, this country’s well-known spiritual leaders all make me want to assassinate them, and I desperately want to sever the mutually beneficial ties between our government and organized religion, but I think that Jesus was a pretty cool cat who we could all learn a few things from. I sure know I could, for instance with that bit about wanting to assassinate our well-known spiritual leaders.

Oh! I almost forgot the most intriguing bit: If I hadn’t started going to that church with Stephen, I wouldn’t have gotten the job that lets me work 4 day weeks, freeing up my Fridays to spend at LAN parties where I met the crowd that I later began to hang with more frequently, eventually meeting D as a result. Now we just bought a house. Pretty much every aspect of my life is a direct result of the influence of Christ in an earlier incarnation of my life³. It’s pretty tough to argue with that.

1: Oh yes, there was much pondering of why God would ruin my life by making my parents divorce. I’m sure that was a significant event in the devolution of my religious beliefs.

2: If you treat Jesus Christ like you do Sherlock Holmes you’ll be just fine. Holmes never existed in actuality, but that doesn’t lessen the impact he has had on the world. There’s plenty to be learned by studying the teachings of Sherlock Holmes, and very few—if any – people believe he is our Lord and Savior.

3: I wonder if that’s how reincarnation really works. See, throughout my life I’ve had very different periods, which while looking back on them almost seem like a different person. Scratch the almost. I’m sure not the same person that I was at any of the first few paragraphs of this missive, and at least in this stage of my life I feel I’m a better person.

It's All Up In The Air (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

I used to respect you a lot more Matt and Trey — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 02:25:08+0100

I’m sure by now most people on the planet have seen the Chris Bliss juggling video, and then Jason Garfield’s response video where he does the same routine as Bliss, but with 5 balls rather than 3, showing people that Bliss isn’t really that good of a juggler. Jason, like many people who are really, really good at something, seems to think that people shouldn’t get excited at how good someone is at something when they aren’t really all that good at it. I would have to agree with Jason on the fact the Bliss isn’t technically as good of a juggler, and that people who email the video around should really understand that, but I have to disagree with where he goes after that.

His website has a page outlining all of the stolen tricks that jugglers are performing, and a list of rules where readers can calculate the level of hackitude they can be expected to be treated by other jugglers depending on the tricks they’re doing in their routine. Many of the “stolen routines” are pretty specific, including the lines of patter that go along with tricks, and might have some level of legitimacy, though I’m not sure I’m willing to agree to the ligitimacy on most of it. The “drop object and reduce count by 1” thing is pretty obvious and isn’t necessarily stolen from a particular person. The “this is going to hurt… twice” ping pong ball thing is pretty specific, but is the line any more stolen than the actual ping pong ball mouth juggling it is going along with? It seems to me that if you want to go there, you might have to include “if you throw objects into the air and then catch them repeatedly without dropping, then you’re doing a stolen trick” to the list of rules. I mean, where do you draw the line?

Some of the rules on the other hand, aren’t specific at all. I’ll paste the 5 rules which determine whether or not you are a hack here:

1. Juggling while eating an apple.
2. Passing around a volunteer and knocking something out of their mouth.
3. Juggling Chainsaws
4. Juggling Knives
5. Juggling fire (Torches)

Now I can kind of see his point on the knives, chainsaws and torches (which is that to the uninformed they make it seem like what you’re doing is more difficult than it really is), but one thing he isn’t allowing for is that no one who knows anything about juggling pays to go see other jugglers. These so-called “hacks” are just performing for the crowd in front of them, and are trying to dazzle them in ways that they’re expected to be dazzled. It is very true that juggling 3 flaming clubs is no more difficult than 3 non-flaming clubs, but to someone who doesn’t juggle (read: everyone in the world) 4 or 5 non-flaming clubs is no more impressive than 3. I wish I had a dime for every person who has seen me juggling 3 clubs and wondered why I didn’t have more. “Don’t you want to juggle 4 or 5 clubs?” Of course I do, but I haven’t put in the time to learn how. It is really not the same thing. “Now if you could light them on fire, you’d really have something…”

Now if one of these hacks is doing 5 clubs in addition to the 3 flaming ones, is he still a hack? What if he busts out 7 clubs, then puts them aside and gets all scary and talks about the death-defying 5 flaming clubs? Is he now a hack because of resorting to flashy showmanship in addition to his non-hack juggling skills in his attempts to make the evening memorable for his crowd? I really don’t think he is. I think Jason’s points are valid to an extent, but I think he’s being rather limiting in how he is defining these things.

I'm Afraid of iTunes (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

No Child's Behind Left — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 21:40:54+0100

I’ve been saying for years that internet distribution of audio and video is the only logical progression the industry can make, and that it will ultimately benefit everyone involved. Whether it be purely the lack of manufacturing/shipping costs (not to mention environmental effects) or just the ease of getting your product to people, there’s really no downside. This seems like a no-brainer when it comes to music and movies, but even that has taken the industry way too long to figure out. What wasn’t as much of a no-brainer at first though, was television.

Ever since I first downloaded an episode of a TV show like 6 or 7 years ago, I realized that broadcast television as we know it would not be around too much longer. I mean, if you’re a network, would you rather have 5-6 “prime time” hours to fill with programming to compete with whatever your competition has on in those time slots, or the complete freedom to make shows that various groups of people will like and watch? The problem with the time slot system is that even if you have a good show, if it’s up against a Lost or Desperate Housewives—2 shows which I’ve never seen, just for the record—you’re going to lose your shirt. So that leaves prime time to be filled with whatever the networks think will best be able to compete with the current time slot champion of sucking in viewers.

With a system that completely takes time out of the question, content producers will be able to crank out tons of shows that will appeal to a broader range of people, without having to worry about who they’re “up against.” Tivo and other lesser PVR owners have already mostly figured out this time removal system. They simply specify what shows they want, and then watch them whenever they feel like it, which—provided two shows they want to watch aren’t on at the same time – completely removes the concept of a time slot, and without question they love it. Now all that’s needed is a system that allows shows to be fed to the PVR box on top of the tv without needing to use a scheduled broadcast over physical airwaves.

Here’s were things are beginning to deviate from my ideal scenario. In comes iTunes. Steve Jobs introduces an iPod that can play video, and suddenly there’s an enormous demand for digital downloads of television programming, which iTunes slickly slid into place to provide for. I wouldn’t have guessed that it would have happened as quickly as it did, but it has. So the problem now lies in the fact that, like with albums and singles, iTunes is rapidly becoming the defacto standard for all networks to distribute their content via the internet. This is a problem for several factors, only one of which I’m going to get into here.

That problem is, once again, the DRM that Apple has chosen to use to restrict the use of your files. It is amazingly convenient to be able to quickly and easily grab the latest Desperate Housewives off iTunes for $1.99, provided you don’t want to do anything other than watch it on your iPod. Apple touts the fact that you don’t need an iPod or a Mac to watch the videos you purchase from iTunes, but I defy you to try to play it on your PSP, Treo, or burn it for playback on your portable DVD player, or hell, even the one hooked to your TV. You don’t want to steal the programming, if you did, you’d simply go download it illegally like I am forced to. You pony up your cash to pay for it like a good citizen, but you are treated like a criminal because of it. Just because someone might steal it, the people who have no intention of stealing it can’t use it the way they want.

That TV in your living room is really the last hurdle to getting all programming distributed in this way, and there are many people trying to overcome that hurdle now. The next Mac Mini is undoubtedly going to integrate right into iTunes, which will finally allow people to purchase and watch the programming right from the couch. Providers like Comcast and DishNetwork are eventually going to start to fear revenue loss, so they’ll buddy up with Apple and incorporate iTunes into the receivers they already have in your living rooms.

So this is why I’m concerned that so many shows are starting to show up on iTunes. It will actually solve the “time slot” problem that concerns me so much, but at what cost? If you want to watch quality programming on your time for a nominal fee it will be convenient, but you won’t be able to do any of the things that you should be able to with the content you’re purchasing.

One suggestion that I have that would make the whole scenario more palatable to me would be for iTunes to adopt a content provider style monthly fee, making them just like any other television content provider. If you were to pay for instance $20 a month for access to the library of programming, it wouldn’t be falsely giving you the impression that you’re owning anything. It’s like Netflix. Netflix is awesome because of the way they’ve priced it and because of the library they offer. Hell, “premium” channels like HBO and Showtime could even add on a surcharge just like they currently do on satellite and cable providers. I’d be much happier with a scheme like that, and I’m guessing so would most people. Sure, I’d still have to watch it in my computer (if I had one that Apple will allow it to play on, which I don’t), but I wouldn’t be at all upset about not being able to burn it to disc or watch it on my PSP or whatever.

OK, so I’m lying; I won’t actually pay someone to provide me something I can’t use however I see fit. I’ll just continue to illegally download content until the day when someone allows me to legally do it the same way I currently do.

I used to respect you a lot more Matt and Trey (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

I'm Afraid of iTunes — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 19:31:08+0100

I’m kind of annoyed with the boys over at South Park.

See, everyone on the net is abuzz at how Comedy Central refused to air an image of the prophet Muhammad, thus caving into censorship as a result of fear when South Park decided to poke fun at the Danish Muhammad Cartoon Controvery^tm. In case you didn’t see it, Matt and Trey crafted a scenario in the South Park Universe wherein FOX’s show The Family Guy was airing an episode featuring the prophet Muhammad. In the South Park Universe, FOX caved to political pressure and decided to censor out the image of Muhammad, angering the Family Guy writers (in the South Park Universe who threatened to quit if the next episode’s appearance by Muhammad was edited out as well. All the while Stan and Cartman travel to FOX headquarters to try to prevent them from airing Muhammad’s image, and the episode ended with a cliffhanger style teaser (“Will Cartman and Kyle succeed in preventing Family Guy from airing, will yadda yadda, etc”) finally adding “Will Comedy Central puss out? Tune in next week for the shocking conclusion.”

So upon seeing this, I reasoned that obviously Comedy Central is not going to air the image of Muhammad, and this is all an elaborate (and hilarious) prank to show that Comedy Central is a bunch of pussies, by just airing a completely unrelated episode the next week. People following the issue would get the joke, people not following the issue wouldn’t realize anything was going on. Well, I was wrong.

Even though they knew full well that Comedy Central wouldn’t air Muhammad’s image, they still carried on with the pointless second half of the episode, teaching all about how wrong it is to censor something out of fear. Finally the moment of truth was to come, when in the Family Guy episode (within the South Park Universe) Peter proclaims, “This is just like the time the prophet Muhammed came to the door and gave me a salmon helmet..” which prompted one of those fucking annoying Family Guy cutaways to a completely irrelevant gag. Instead of seeing Muhammed hand a salmon helmet to Peter though, the screen went black, and in white text the South Park crew explained that Comedy Central refused to air an image of Muhammed, and described what happened in the scene. In the immediate blog-o-sphere backlash against Comedy Central, an interview with a South Park producer explained that Comedy Central didn’t censor the episode, they> did, because they wanted people to know why it was edited rather than just let Comedy Central remove the scene.

So let me get this straight: you’re doing an episode all about how censoring things out of fear is never right, but you’re told that Comedy Central is going to censor your show if you deliver it as is, so you censor it yourself out of the fear that people will think you censored it? That is seriously fucked up.

Ever since the beginning of the show, the crew at South Park has had to deal with things Comedy Central refuses to air. There has been constant bargaining back and forth about many things, many, many times. Comedy Central taking this stand is not at all unprecidented, and while it is rather stupid, it is their decision to make. Matt and Trey trying to make it out that Comedy Central has suddenly lost balls and won’t let them show what they want to is just plain inaccurate. They’ve always had to play by the rules Comedy Central has put forth, and they’ve never made a big deal out of it before.

What should have happened is: upon hearing that Comedy Central wouldn’t air the episode as-is, they should have just not delivered it, subsequently suffering the consequences. (I don’t know what kind of consequences those are, other than fans being pissed off that there was no episode that week. Although, how pissed off could they really be, afterall the prior week ended with “Will Comedy Central puss out and not air the episode?”) Better yet, they shouldn’t have even wasted the time making the episode in the first place, since they knew full well what Comedy Central’s reaction was going to be and they’d have to censor it. Trying to bully Comedy Central into showing Muhammad is as equally bad as Christian groups trying to bully Comedy Central into not showing South Park in the first place.

I’ve always been really proud of the things Matt and Trey have done to point out hypocrisy and idiocy throughout all the greatly entertaining episodes of their fine show, but I cant get behind them on this. While the message presented by the episodes is a good and important one, I really feel that they are exhibiting hypocrisy here by caving into the very censorship they’re calling Comedy Central a “pussy” for. Not cool guys.

This week’s episode was started before both the “Cartooon Wars” episodes, so I’m hoping that next week’s episode might try to show me how they aren’t actually hypocrits. Maybe they can convince me, but until then, I’m very disappointed in them.

Famous Words (The Ramblings of an A Hoel)

The Ramblings of an A Hoel — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 18:33:12+0100

Have you ever attributed something you came up with to someone smarter than yourself? Like, for instance, saying something similar to: “I think it was Mark Twain who said…” when you know darn well it was actually you?

I’ve done it enough times that I’ve begun to ponder the likelihood that Mr. Clemens really said even a fraction of the things that his made-up name has been credited with. To that end, I’ve decided to only attribute smart-sounding things to MY OWN made-up name from this point on.

Here’s one from a few days ago:

”’Tis the action of a fool to place a price on the value of another man’s time.” —Alistair Hoel.

I think the importance of what Alistair was getting at is “value,” rather than “price.” For instance, hiring managers routinely assign a wage to employees—which, in essence, could be construed as a “value.” But I submit—er, Alistair submits—that a wage is merely a price. The value one holds over their own time only includes price as a small factor; for me, my hourly wage (or, “price”) is not enough to make my time at work worthwhile¹. But when you factor in the feeling of security and personal-value that a fulfilling job provides, things tip towards balancing out the “value” side of things.

1: this is not because I feel my wage is insufficient; I make more money that I need, it’s just that the value I place on my time is very high.

Al Gore: Your 43rd President (jer - Tim's Crap)

Great Bell South Ad — Thu, 25 May 2006 04:54:53+0100

IMG_0366 (Uploads from nyquil)

Uploads from nyquil — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 17:03:18+0100

nyquil posted a photo:

IMG_0101.JPG (Uploads from nyquil)

IMG_0366 — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 02:50:21+0100

nyquil posted a photo:

IMG_0052.JPG (Uploads from nyquil)

IMG_0101.JPG — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 00:39:24+0100

nyquil posted a photo:

I've been seeing this little tree everyday whilst driving past a cemetary. It's under a foot tall, meant to celebrate Christmas with Dead Grandma, apparently.

A quick scan of the rest of the cemetery brought up a handful of identical trees, leading me to believe that the helpful mortuary attached to the grave yard has been helpfully selling these trees to mourners, along with all the un-modestly priced receptacles.

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IMG_0052.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:55:38+0100

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IMG_0050.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:55:11+0100

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IMG_0048.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:54:54+0100

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IMG_0047.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:36:47+0100

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One Laptop Per Cat?

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IMG_0046.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:36:30+0100

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IMG_0045.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:33:29+0100

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IMG_0044.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:33:11+0100

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IMG_0043.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:32:44+0100

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IMG_0042.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:32:18+0100

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IMG_0041.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:31:58+0100

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IMG_0040.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:31:29+0100

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IMG_0039.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:30:46+0100

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IMG_0038.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:30:28+0100

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IMG_0037.JPG — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 00:30:09+0100

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